God Sent me My Angel....

So, it was either in my 1st or 2nd post that I mentioned to you a man named Taylor Gardner.

Now to many of you, it sounds silly that I would introduce him this way because you know him or at least know of him and WHO he is in my life. For those who don't,Taylor Edward Gardner is the Love of my life, my boyfriend, whom God "technically" blessed into my life 16 years ago when I was four years old as the annoying, mean boy down the street, but "officially" placed as more than just a friend in my life when I was 17 years old. I have been filled with the most amazing blessings and joys through out the past 2.5 years of being his girlfriend, and it has been nothing less than a whirlwind of unexplainable feelings.

But what I actually want to share with you about this great man, goes beyond feelings. You see "Love" is NOT a feeling at all. Love is not desire, nor pleasure. Now don't get me wrong, being IN love can certainly bring about such things, but True Love is an eternal life-mode, if you will.

I am in Love with Taylor because he is a man of God. Taylor, as much as he expresses and shows such a strong and beautiful love towards me, could never rank our love in the same category as the love he has for God. God is always first and foremost in Tay's life, and seeing as we are all humans and make major mistakes this is not to say he is perfect in any way, but God asks us not to strive AWAY from perfection either this shines through Taylor as his number one priority in his life. He has a beaming desire to share Our gracious Father's love with all that he meets, and I feel so blessed to me a witness and a participant in it all.

I am in Love with Taylor because he pushes me to the brim, and trust me when I say he is a persistent man! This is not just in my moments of laziness, but more noted during my moments of self-doubt, unhappiness, and when I am simply unmotivated. I can't tell you how many times he will gently hold my head between his hands, showering me with compliments about the amazing woman of God he sees in me, and force me to push on and reach for the potential God has granted me.

I am in Love with Taylor because he is so determined in his own life. He doesn't believe in wasting a moment in life, and I will admit sometimes I have to make him just sit down, breathe, and watch a single T.V. show, haha! But in all honesty, it is such a blessing each and every day to see him going after the next project, next type of  community service, or his personal favorite, the next type of fundraiser to organize! Beyond all of this he is determined to have a successful future, and not in a materialistic way, but through God's way, and because of this determination he thinks  and prays everything through (something I lack...)

I am in Love with Taylor because he accepts everything about me. From day 1 when we were just friends we started a very "out in the open" type of relationship. I can honestly say that Tay knows everything that I did before 'us' and everything I have done while we've been together. He knows my faults and weaknesses as well as my strong points...and there is not one thing he desires to change about me. I've had a past that I thought I could easily brush away, never talk about, and soon forget...and then I met Tay. I always tease him & give him a hard time about it, but he as brought me into a willingness to share things which I have never spoken of to anyone but God...and even for those things, he loves me!

I am in Love with Taylor because he knows the real meaning of Love...God's meaning, and he shares it everyday with others. Taylor has shown me what it means to have a servants heart. We have had conversations over and over again about how he has said yes without question when I know I probably would have tried to find a way out. I have witnessed this love of Taylor's displayed towards his family, friends, and even complete strangers off the street.

I am in Love with Taylor because he can totally have no way to relate to something I'm dealing with/talking about, but he is completely understanding. I come to him about everything and he is always there to just hold me, whether physically or through his gentle words when we can't be together face to face. He always knows when to speak, and when to listen, and he knows when advice is needed and also when it is okay to say he doesn't really know what to say. He allows me to vent, and just when I'm trying not to put too many of my burdens on him, he pleads for me to talk more and always reminds me "If I can't be here for you like this, what am I here for!?" :)

I am in Love with Taylor because he keeps me accountable, and vise versa. We truly are each others accountability partners, and I love hearing Tay when I am most in need saying, "Let's pray about it." I may not like to admit it, but I know that I need someone there to hold me accountable for things I try to sweep under the rug, and God could not have given me someone more perfect than Taylor. He's not afraid to bring things to my attention, but he is able to do it in the most respectful way.

I am in Love with Taylor for the last reason I just mentioned, he respects me to a  T (no pun intended). He will be there for me and share his opinion on my decisions and actions, but he has always been there at my side 100% when it comes down to it (and trust me, I can think of a few things right of the bat he hasn't necessarily agreed with.) He not only respects my decisions, but he respects me as a person. Through my moods, my "girl" moments, and up to my standards, pride, morals and values. When it comes to those things, he doesn't just respect me and where I stand on them, but he joins me in agreement with them.

I am in Love with Taylor because he is my best friend. Even as we head towards 3 years together (yes I know, it's not THAT long), but even still we could talk for days on end. We have  literally spent non-stop days into weeks with each other and it still never seems to be enough; there hasn't been a moment of getting sick of each other! We make each other laugh at things no one else would understand, and we have our own languages and nicknames like we're little kids again! But at the same time, he is my rock and after my God he is the one person I can trust in this world no matter what. He is real and honest with me, not afraid to be blunt when it's needed, but he knows how to be romantic and kind when I need it most, and even at the most unexpected times. Every moment I'm with him just feels like I'm playing.

I am in Love with Taylor because in him, God Sent me My Angel.




UNTIL NEXT TIME:

"You are so beautiful, my love, in every part of you."
~Song of Solomon 4:7

Thank you God for using Steven Curtis Chapman

Revelations are funny...

According to Webster, a "Revelation" is defined as the revealing or disclosing,through active or passive communication with supernatural entities. But see, Our God is not an "entity" , and the reason I want to make this clear is because, at least from a personal standpoint, I hear the word "entity"and I think of the movie Paranormal , and that is FAR from God or anything Christ like!

My whole reason for bringing this up is because I'm pretty sure I experienced one today right in my car with the radio on sitting in the parking lot after just pulling into campus for my evening class. This is where the title of this blabbering blog comes in.

I'm a huge Steven Curtis Chapman music fan, but I truly wish he could know how God used him this evening in my life. Now, I don't know if any of you have heard his music or are even familiar with the name, but 'Steven' has been creating music for over 25 years, and 15 of those have been firmly given to God through every song and every album. Like I said, big fan. But tonight was not about Steven Curtis Chapman. Tonight was about God using one of his beloved children in order to shake, break, and bring another one of his children to her knees (which is not easy to do at the wheel of a parked car).

A song came on. A song I have loved for the last year since I first heard it on the radio, and one I have played over and over and over again since. However, the song "When Love Takes You In" hit me extremely differently tonight...it changed everything.

I grew up in a Christian home form the time I was born until I moved out, and though I claimed to know God, I wasn't saved until my teens. It's been years now since I was saved, and as most imperfect human beings, I have still had my ups and down in life as well as in my relationship with God. To be clear I have never ONCE stopped loving or believing, but the last 7 months or so I have felt as if I was losing or possibly had LOST the "connection". That bond, that overpowering love that you can not help but devote yourself entirely to. I was missing it, and it felt as if there would be no finding it. I was sinning even more than usual, and was not following anything up in prayer or asking for forgiveness, yet I couldn't figure out why I was "losing"!?!

Reading all of that, it seems like the answer was pretty clear, huh? Well I couldn't see ANY of that...until tonight.
"When Love Takes you In" made me listen, and before it even reached the chorus God broke me and I couldn't have been more resistant. Before I knew it, tears were flowing and I was praying...praying the way I used to. The same way I use to always talk to my Daddy in the Heavens. It was scary, it was beautiful, it was nerve-wracking, it was appreciated, it was fought, it was fulfilling....it was the answer and by no means did it happen because of me!!!

I found myself BEGGING for forgiveness, and I kid you not when I say I could totally feel my heart rejoicing and opening ten million times! God broke me, and in doing so filled my heart with so much healing and joy! (And HE is the ONLY guy who can break you, but not your heart!)
He is amazing, and gave me a Revelation tonight: When I feel lonely, or lost it has everything to do with me, because he will NEVER leave unless I completely deny him...even when I convince myself in my own stupid way that I deserve to be left.

So Thank you God! Thank you for opening my eyes and finally healing my hurt heart that so terribly wanted to find you again! Thank you for opening that heart and my eyes and mind to what I must change and what I must always do to never lose this relationship I have with you!

And thank you Steven Curtis Chapman, for using the magical gift of music God has blessed you with.
Because of Our Heavenly Father you have done more than made a few words and music notes sound good tonight, you have been used as a tool to transform another one of HIS children!

UNTIL NEXT TIME:


When Love Takes You In 
Written and Recorded by: Steven Curtis Chapman


"I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in"